Monday was a big news day here in the United States. A new iPhone is coming out, Blackberry is closer to dying, and God dramatically announced that he hates Mickey Mouse.
In bigger news, Lady Gaga released her first single in nearly two years. Like the line at Chipotle, it was worth the wait.
Gaga’s new song, “Applause,” is pretty dope. If I was the type who hypothetically danced around my house, I would hypothetically make very good use of our hardwood floors when jammin’ to this song.
However, “Applause” isn’t Gaga’s greatest song. Now, before both people who read this blog get unruly, please try to calm down. I’m going to tell you exactly which songs are Gaga’s best. Right now.
5. “Boys, Boys, Boys” – Sometimes I can’t help but watch strangers. Maybe “stare” is a better word? When people are interesting, I like to look. That is pretty much the only good thing about riding the Metro. However, sometimes my eyes linger too long. That creeper feeling when your eyes lock with your prey’s and you awkwardly look away? That’s how I feel when I sing this song, but just like the honey badger, I don’t care. This song is fantastic.
4. “Telephone” – This song is a little over-the-top and I’m not a huge Beyonce fan, but it did inspire one of my favorite work memories. While filming this video, I tried to do a backflip. Twice. Both attempts were unsurprisingly unsuccessful (mostly because I’m white; I was also wearing dress shoes).
3. “Alejandro” – If you’ve looking for “Poker Face” or “Bad Romance,” keep looking. I understand “Alejandro” is a random choice, but I love this song. It has a really unique sound and soulful lyrics. Most importantly, it was inspired by ABBA. In case you don’t know, ABBA is the best thing to come from Europe since Thomas Jefferson (other than Kate Beckinsale).
2. “Marry the Night” – Even though I enjoy being married, this song really makes me wish I was single. If I was, I’d only date girls with the last name (K)Night. And then I’d sing this song to my new bride at our wedding reception.
1. “You and I” – This song is so good that once I sang it in church. Unfortunately, it was in the middle of a service and our pastor was preaching. He said “you and I” in a sentence and I unknowingly, and audibly, completed the rest of the lyrics. My wife’s death stare quickly alerted me to the fact that I was singing Lady Gaga in the middle of a church service.