Awkward White Guy Rap (Vol. XVII) – Mariah Carey

You hear a lot about the night Jesus was born, but what about the next day?  Did Jesus and Mary hang out in the stable with the cows?  Were the three wise men awkward “house” guests and overstay their welcome?  What did Joseph do with all that myrrh?

Although I’m not certain, I think Jesus and his parents made a rap video to celebrate such an incredible moment in history.

Awkward White Guy Rap - Mariah Carey

In keeping with tradition, I did the same.  I apologize to Mariah Carey for disgracing her epic Christmas jam.

Have a Merry Christmas!

Christmas in the Capital

Christmas is pretty cool (other than non-rap Christmas carols).  I like Baby Jesus, weather that gives me an excuse to wear cardigans, and people buying me presents.  However, other than watching “Home Alone,” one of my favorite Christmas traditions is our annual “Christmas in the Capital” dinner.

Christmas in the Capital

Here’s how it usually goes down:

(1)  We ask some good friends or family to go out to dinner at a nice-ish DC restaurant the week before Christmas.

(2)  We eat dinner.

(3)  We laugh a lot.

(4)  I try to get a friend to pay the bill.

(5)  He or she declines.

(6)  I eat way too much.

(7)  I later regret those decisions.

(8)  We walk over to the National Christmas Tree.

(9)  Sometimes the tree is still lit.

(10)  We laugh some more.

(11)  We take pictures in front of the tree.

(12)  We make fun of each other.

That’s how it went down last Thursday.  A group of 15 of us hit up Chef Geoff’s Downtown.  I ate five pieces of bread before we ordered our food.  I’m classy.  After a three-hour dinner full of calories and laughs, we hustled over to the National Christmas Tree.  For the second year in a row, it was closed when we arrived and the lights were turned off.  We asked our friends Barack and Michelle to flip the lights back on, but they didn’t respond to our text messages.  Oh well, we still took this fun picture:

Christmas in the Capital - 2

…and here’s some photos from past “Christmas in the Capital” dinners:











Okay, all those old pictures make me feel depressed for being old.

In more exciting news, the first ever “Awkward White Guy Christmas Rap” is dropping tomorrow.


Name of Thrones

I’ve been writing, thinking, and praying about these two little babies for the past few months:

Name of Thrones

I’m biased, but they are pretty awesome.

Although I’ve made a few trips to baby stores and glanced at the cover of a baby book, this whole thing just got real.  These babies have names now:

Name of Thrones - 2

These names have been our favorites for a few years, but we still wasted $10 on a baby name book to look at other options.  None of them felt right.  We wanted unique, but not weird.  We didn’t want to be super cheesy and have 4 “A” names, but referring to ourselves as The A-Team was still kind of appealing.  I also like the fact that my musical jam for these little rockstars over the past few months has been “Safe and Sound” by Capital Cities.  In case you skipped fourth grade, Austin and Madison are the capital cities of Texas and Wisconsin.  As a native Texan, the name Austin has some significance for me.  I’ve never been to Wisconsin, so now I have a good excuse to head up there and take a picture of Madison (the human) in front of a Madison (the city) sign.  We did like the name Jackson for the dude, but 37 of our friends picked that name before us and we didn’t want to have to fight y’all.  Amanda wouldn’t let me name our girl Britney or Spears.  

Thus, Austin and Madison were born.  Well, not yet, but we did buy them Christmas stockings.  We’re not sure about middle names, but we are sure that this dynamic duo is going to do some big things in this world.

The Christmas Miracle

Christmas is almost here!


Almost Christmas

That means it’s time to spend priceless moments with family, eat way too much food, and pretend to like presents that are actually pretty weird.  For me, it’s also a time to be thankful for the wonderful miracle of Christmas.  It’s a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus and the fact that God took the form of a human (who sometimes wore tuxedo t-shirts) to restore a severed relationship with humanity.  Slightly less important, I was able to overcome a severed relationship with the gym and fit into these Christmas pants:

Bonobos Miracle

(They will be appearing at one of our church’s Christmas services this Sunday.  Hopefully they do not rip on stage.)

I’m also thrilled to announce another Christmas miracle!

I got a new pair of shoes!

The Christmas Miracle

I don’t think I’ve ever loved something so much in my entire life.  (Sorry, Amanda, but I’ve got to keep it real.)  Infinite thanks to my thoughtful, incredible, and talented friend Paul who spotted these fly Sperry kicks at DSW and knew I’d love them.  Although finding something as beautiful as those shoes is a miracle in and of itself, the price Paul paid for those bad boys makes getting those shoes the biggest miracle in DC since the Redskins actually made the playoffs last year:


DSW Receipt

In short, thanks to Jesus, Bonobos, my thighs, DSW, Sperry, and Paul for helping me believe in Christmas.

Bye, Weekend.

What’s up, November?!  You kind of snuck up on me, bro.

Although I had to work quite a bit and UVA’s football team continues to crush my heart each Saturday, it was still a fantastic weekend.  I hope you can say the same.  Here’s what I loved the most about this past weekend:

Bye, Weekend.  I Miss You

1.  I got to rock out with three amazing friends on Saturday.  Like the typical DC weekend, we made a rap video.  Other than my twin babies, it is my favorite thing I’ve ever made.  Seriously.  I’ve done a lot of cheesy musical performances over the years.  This one is actually good.  I hope.

2.  Halloween candy is still plentiful around our house.

3.  We had some folks over on Thursday for a non-party Halloween party.  It was fun catching up with old friends, meeting some new ones, and eating way too much food.

4.  I’m a 30-year-old attorney.  I spent Friday night playing a wrestling video game with two other legal professionals who are also present/future fathers.  Yep, we’re a mature and classy bunch.  Oh, and I also got to hang out with my super fly goddaughter.  Unfortunately, her parents separated us because I was “allegedly” teaching her “bad” things.  Whatever.

The Reach

5.  I caught up with a remarkable friend from dear ole’ UVA.  Seriously, he is the coolest and most interesting guy I’ve ever known (other than Justin Timberlake).  Hopefully we will break our streak of only seeing each other once every two years.  I hate it when life gets so busy that you can’t truly enjoy life.

6.  I got some new kicks.  I know the Bible says idolatry is bad, but I think Jesus would make an exception for Jordans.

Jordans7.  Speaking of Jesus, Pastor Dennis crushed an awesome message at Capital City Church about reaching the potential each of us has inside us and not being burdened by the heavy, confusing, and complicated yoke of religion.

8.  Our dear friends Eddie and Paul had a killer Halloween party.  I met so many wonderful people, ate so much incredible salsa, and plowed through twenty Double Stuf Oreos. I regretted two of those decisions the next morning.  Paul, who is a creative genius, had the fun idea that we should be Bert and Ernie for Halloween.  Although we looked like nightmarish versions of those beloved Sesame Street characters, it was still fun!

9.  The Patriots won.

10.  We’re one day closer to college basketball season.

Have a blessed week!


Halloween is awesome.

I love the candy.  I love stalking party photos on Facebook.  I love the costumes.

I really love the homemade costumes.  I’ll be rocking a do-it-yourself costume this Saturday night, just like I’ve always done in the past.  In “recent” years, I’ve been…

A Warbler from “Glee” (2012)


An Etch-a-Sketch (2011)


The Washington Monument (2009)


A tornado (2005)


I think I paid a combined $10 for those four costumes.  I also think I spent a combined 10 minutes of work making those four costumes.  That is probably obvious.

Although Halloween comes around only once a year, I wear a costume every single day:

There is a huge difference between the real me and the me the world sees.

The me the world sees is always happy, always positive, and always hopeful.  In recent years, the real me has struggled with my parents’ divorce, my brother’s incarceration, and my own marriage failures.

The me the world sees is outgoing and personable.  The real me would rather spend most nights taking naps, eating cereal for dinner, and playing video games.

The me the world sees is bold and confident.  The real me is fearful of criticism, constantly struggles with insecurity, and is haunted by regret.

That’s my costume.

It is normal for there to be a gap between the public and private versions of ourselves, but mine is probably too large.  This blog helps.  A lot.  I’ve also been dedicating more time to hanging out one-on-one with some of my friends.  It’s easy to wear a happy-go-lucky costume at big parties and social events.  It’s harder to hide behind a public persona when you’re sitting face-to-face with a friend for an hour.

That’s my costume.  It’s time for it to come off.