One Night

I spend most of my work days sitting at a desk.

I spend most of my work days staring at Microsoft Word.

I spend most of my work days resisting the urge to eat all the free cookies in the break room.

But not this Thursday night.

Oh no, not this Thursday night.

This Thursday night. I will rap. I will dance. I will wear a crazy costume.

For work.

One Night - 4

This Thursday night, June 26, 2014, is the 11th annual “Banding Together” battle of the law firm bands throwdown in DC. Other than free burrito day at Chipotle during Teacher Appreciation Week, it is probably my favorite night of the year.

Here’s why:

1. This event raises more than $275,000 for Gifts for the Homeless, an amazing charity that provides clothes for the DC homeless community. This proves that lawyers are capable of doing good stuff.

2. I get to perform on the same stage where the Foo Fighters, Arcade Fire, the Killers, Kings of Leon, Radiohead, and the Roots have all jammed. I apologize for hurting those bands’ street cred.

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3. I get to perform with some amazing, talented, and funny people:

Sutherland Comfort. We’re often mistaken for the Wu-Tang Clan.

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4. 1,000+ people go to this thing. Although a lawyer battle of the bands might sound kind of lame, it’s not. It’s pretty [[ insert whatever is the most current word for hype/cool/ill/dope/ ]].

5. I’ve made the Washington Post twice for this event. Unfortunately, both times I was shown wearing the (fake) red Kangol hat pictured above.

6. A bunch of my awesome friends go. You should too. Please?

One Night

7. I’ve been practicing the Running Man. For work.

8. Sarah Jessica Parker would be jealous of my on-stage wardrobe changes.

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9. Our firm really supports this thing. We raised $45,000 for our band last year. People at our office buy Sutherland Comfort t-shirts. They also scream really loudly to help cover up my slightly-worse-than-average rapping.

10. I’ll be singing one of the most important songs in the history of the world.

In short, I’m a little bit excited about Thursday night (but also fearful that I pass out or fall off the stage and end up on Tosh.0). If you are in DC that night and want to help support the homeless community, come on out and watch some lawyers get turnt (or turned?) up! The event starts at 7:00pm and is going down at the Black Cat. Sutherland Comfort will start rocking the stage around 9:15pm. Tickets are $10. If you can’t attend, but would still like to contribute to this awesome cause, you can do so here. Finally, if you feel compelled to babysit two adorable twins that night so Amanda can attend, that would be the illest.

The Other Side of History

There are two sides to every story.  Of course, there is the story you read about in the news, history books, and Wikipedia.  However, to get to the real story, you need something else.

You need a rap video.

The History of the Supreme Court

It’s time to tell you a story.

The History of the Supreme Court

Here’s the good news:

(1)  I didn’t get fired.
(2)  I have two rookie co-workers who I persuaded to join me in this rap video.
(3)  I didn’t get fired.

Enjoy!

Some of the lyrics are pretty dope, in a dorky lawyer way, so I wanted to include them here.  Please do not cite these in a brief or research assignment. You will probably be disbarred…

In East Philadelphia, 1787,
America was born, the Constitution was written,
We won the war,
Now we were free,
Supreme Court was created in Article Three.
But a couple of guys,
Who were up to no good,
They said the power of the courts was misunderstood,
If Congress passes an unconstitutional law
What can the courts do?
Court said in Marbury to strike it down under judicial review.

The party didn’t stop,
McCulloch came next,
The states said their powers were greatest under the Constitutional text.
C.J. John Marshall, he took a long pause,
Then he ruled that the federal government is top dog under the supremacy clause.

For 100 more years the feds were feeling so good,
Then President Truman showed up in the neighborhood.
Seizing steel millz and cruising along,
Rapping bout how the President be so strong.
SCOTUS stepped in said – “Whoa, Truman, hold on,”
We got a three part test that gonna prove you wrong.

In 1954 Chief Justice E-Dub started laying down the law –
Civil rights for all the people –
Brown v. Bd. said separate is not equal
The Court didn’t stop there, civil rights couldn’t be ditched,
Loving v. Virginia – all races can get hitched

It’s a new century, Y2K, and Nov. 7, 2000 is election day,
Florida can’t get it straight and it’s a tie score,
SCOTUS said GW’s the winner in Bush v. Gore
2010 campaigns are back and SCOTUS don’t mind it,
Dropping mad cash for candidates in Citizens United.
2012 will healthcare get the constitutional axe?
John G. Roberts says “NO, we’ll just call it a tax!”

Fast-For-Ward a bit to the present day,
You be thinking “What’s the court gonna say?”
Well there’s Noel Canning v. NLRB,
Are recess appointments constitutional?  We’ll have to see.
Obamacare is back with Hobby Lobby
What can the government require of a private company?

That’s the history of the Supreme Court, as told by a lawyer rap band,
Now let’s give it up for the highest court in the land.

Awkward White Guy Rap (Vol. VIII) – Beastie Boys

There are a lot of reasons I’m really thankful for my job.  I get a regular paycheck that can buy important stuff like Legos and Jordans (and baby stuff too, I guess).  Even better, our office has free animal crackers and monthly fajita buffets.  Most importantly, once a year, rapping is part of my job description.  Other than every day that I’m not at work, it’s my favorite day of the year.

Awkward White Guy Rap (Vol. VIII) - Beastie Boys

Walk This Way

Thrift Shop

Well, in 2013, it happened twice.

At the 2013 “Battle of the Law Firm Bands” event at the Black Cat in D.C., Sutherland Comfort brought down the house with an eclectic set of Alanis, Christina, Bruno Mars, Eminem, Gun ‘n Roses, and Maclemore songs.  We also raised $40,000 for the D.C. homeless community.  Even better, the entire event raised $250,000!  Holler!  Despite the excess amount of sweat I put off during our performance, someone from the D.C. Bar liked everyone else in the band so much that they asked us to perform at a fancy lawyer prom-esque event.

Like me at the aforementioned fajita buffet, we enthusiastically said “YES!  YES!  YES!”  It was a little different from what we’re used to, namely, there were fewer drunk people, less insanity, and more tuxedos.  However, we still gave it our best shot and the band crushed an eight-song set this past Saturday night.  Here’s our lawyerly rendition of “Sabotage” by the Beastie Boys.  Enjoy!

You can find all my other “Awkward White Guy Rap” videos here.  YouTube is full of other Sutherland Comfort videos that are much better, especially ones that don’t involve me.