This week I’ve written about one of my heroes, what it means to be a man, the purpose of life, and identity issues. Thus, I thought I’d keep up the trend of serious posts.
It’s time to talk about heaven.
It’s time to talk about Britney Spears.
Theologians, scholars, and Presidents have all debated the important topic of which Britney song is best. Well, President Obama, I have the answers you’ve been looking for. Here’s the official list of the best Britney songs:
#5: “Baby One More Time” – You will always remember and cherish your first love. This song and, more importantly, this video were the greatest inventions of the 20th Century (computers, televisions, and slap bracelets are overrated). Tragically, this song came out fifteen years ago. That makes me very sad and a little depressed. I miss TRL, Ricky Martin, $1/gallon gas, and not being in my 30s.
My classy high school notebook:
#4: “Piece of Me” – Britney kind of hit rock bottom in the mid-2000s. That happens when the love of your life marries another woman. However, she finally moved on from me and now Britney is back on top of the music world. This song was her comeback anthem. For that reason, if you are facing an obstacle in your life, you should listen to this song. A lot. If you’re not facing an obstacle in your life, you should still listen to this song. A lot.
#3 – “Selfish” – I’m guessing that only those who are a bit too obsessed with Britney are familiar with this song. Well, that’s a shame. IT’S SO GOOD. However, I love it for another reason too. Within the confines of our homes, we all do weird stuff that we (hopefully) don’t do in public. Well, when this song is played in our house, I change the lyrics to “Shellfish” and sing everything from our dog’s perspective. I have no idea why, but it’s a family tradition. Sometimes I feel sorry for our kids.
#2 – “Toxic” – This was the peak of Britneymania (for me and the rest of the world). THIS SONG ALSO WON A GRAMMY AWARD! That proves to me that nothing is impossible. That prestigious award and the music video for “Toxic” also confirms my long-held belief that Britney Spears is the greatest artist of our generation and probably the greatest in history (Michelangelo and Mozart are a close second and third).
#1 – Nope, it’s not “Dear Diary” or “E-Mail My Heart.” Those songs are a little too deep for me. Rather, it’s “Break the Ice.” Again, this is a random choice. However, I’m a history nerd and there’s a lot of history between me and this song.
In February 2009, I was still paying a lot of money to go to law school, we didn’t have much cash in savings, and the financial crisis was being mean to the entire world. Plus, my future job was in limbo. Thus, we had to live frugally. For Valentine’s Day, instead of jewelry or a spa day, I gave Amanda the (free) gift of dance.
Specifically, I put together an entire choreographed dance routine to this song and busted out a surprise performance on Valentine’s Day. For two straight weeks, after Amanda went to bed, I’d go into our living room and practice my midnight dance moves. On February 14, 2009, this once-in-a-lifetime (thankfully) performance went down. There is a video. However, it will not be posted here because (1) I can’t find it on our old computer and (2) it’s kinda creepy. Alas, I’ve listened to “Break the Ice” more than any other song ever written. Thus, it is Britney’s greatest.
THE performance (and our messy apartment):
TGIF! Have a blessed weekend! Thanks for reading. Yo.